Wednesday, May 13

What Does Mom Need?

When I became a mom, I lost myself for awhile. It happens. Caring for the baby, entering into a new relationship with your husband as a partner in parenting, and dealing with changes in your body that no one warned you about. Don't let anyone tell it's not overwhelming. They will be lying to themselves and you.

All mothers need someone to vent to that will not judge or try to fix what is wrong. Sometimes we just need to say: 

"What the heck was I thinking. This is SO hard. Why didn't someone warn me." 

Moms need to vent often. They need someone online or offline that will let them scream, cry and rant. Afterwards they will feel better, and laugh at what made them so crazy. As much as I love my husband; I found you really need another mom, or two, as a sounding board. Do not vent on social media. Afterwards the guilt will set in, and once the words are out there, they can't be taken back. Venting about children, who we love without fail, needs to be with people who can be trusted, have a sense of humor and are like-minded.

Moms need time to themselves EVERY day. I don't care if it's a half hour in the bathroom pampering yourself with a bath and a good book, or a quick walk by yourself around the block while cranking up the tunes on an MP3 player. Moms NEED space to breathe. Take my word on this. There were times when my children were toddlers that grocery trips were my outings. We still laugh about this in our family, but those trips to the store were a sanity saver.

Moms also need to talk to their partner in a calm and rational voice BEFORE things build up and there is banshee-like screaming or baby style weeping. Explain what you need and work out a plan. This is different for each couple depending on who works and what your schedules are from day to day. Do not assume that he won't be comfortable with certain things. If you don't talk it out you won't know. My husband encourages me to take time for myself.  Are we always calm and rational? Hardly. However, throughout the years we have both learned to talk things out rather than hold in our thoughts.

 Motherhood is everything I thought  it would be and at the same time NOTHING like I imagined. It's a daily adventure; one that can make a mom forget that she is also a woman who had a life and interests before having children. The key is to be true to yourself, knowing that your children will look at you as an example of what they should strive for as they grow and learn. Moms need to care for themselves, emotionally and physically, just as they care for their children. 

~Brenda

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